Just cropdusted the office
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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