So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
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Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
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Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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