Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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