; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
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Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
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It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
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