i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
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I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
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Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.