I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.