Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Do you still have your period?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.