Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
