Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.