i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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