His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
