operation harelip BJ is a go
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
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I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
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New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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