who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
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getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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