I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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