sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
