I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize