the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
