So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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