I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
