just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
