Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
