she was so not down for the gang bang
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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