this beer tastes like vomit already
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
