3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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