I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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