This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
my poor anus
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
