Got a toothbrush?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
