dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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