I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
