The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
