i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
