I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
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he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
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Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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