i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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