He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
