sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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