I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
This house was built for laser tag.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
