all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
