We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
