FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
