They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
they're like a gay fantastic four
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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