make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
