So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize