Just fell off a train. Bad.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
