Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
