people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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