All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
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Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
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You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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