I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
