If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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