its not stalking. its research.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
