Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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