i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
