From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
