Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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