dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
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Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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