Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
