I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
