I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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