I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
