Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
