I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My cat gives me a boner
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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