Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
