I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
