my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
