so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
