hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
