Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Randomize
