It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
