i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
