everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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