Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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