apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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