Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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